OK, here's mine:
Wife went into pre-labor Sunday.
EMail everybody at work, tell them labor is starting, see you in a while.
Midwife said real labor started Tuesday. Email worked with status update.
Still going Wednesday, at which time we bailed on the homebirth and went to the hospital. Advised work.
Pitocin and epidural (if p then e) Wedesday night. (No email...)
Baby born Thursday, 4:07AM (are babies ever born at a decent time of day?)
Notify office mates later that day, as they're on the BabyBorn distro list so I don't have to do anything more than push a button.

Take 5 working-day paternity leave negotiated (heh) with boss. Come back to work Friday, not worth a shit fron not having a good night's sleep for about 2 weeks, and REALLY GIVING A RAT'S ASS about a database project I'm working on. Still, I begin to slog, and my supervisor (not my boss) asks where I was.

"Well, Dmitiry, we just had a baby."
"Yes, but why were you gone this long?"
Explain timetable.
"Yes, but 5 working days would have been Friday, so I expected to see you here Monday."
"Umm, Monday was the day I got back from the hospital, as Cathy was there over the weekend for 'observation' [there could be a whole rant here about hospitals]."
"Right, but Chief [boss] said you would take 5 days paternity leave."
"Paternity leave starts with being a parent, right? which was Thursday, so 5 working days brings me here. Really, I shouldn't even be writing code right now as I suck at it because I can't think straight. If I'd known what this would have been like I would have negotiated 3 weeks."
"When my kid was born, I was back at work 2 days later."

Yeah, and I'm sure his wife wanted to drag him around the block by his balls too. Still, that's where his priorities lie, I guess.

After I was rested, which probably took the better part of a month as resting didn't happen until we'd sort of adjusted to the new baby, I spent a lot of time undoing the shyte that I wrote during the first 2 weeks.