then there would be nothing stopping a gay couple from being married by one.
My point is that even in the "not religious" ceremonies there is still a firmly rooted understanding that what is being performed is the judeo-christian marriage rite, only with the name of God taken out.
And it's stupid. There is no reason that a gay couple shouldn't be able to enter into a legally recognized, tax-deductable union recognized by the state, with all legal protections thereof, and there's also no reason a church should feel that their specific understanding of what marriage is must be dictated by the state.
Therefore, the state needs to get out of the marriage business. Don't call it marriage, call it something else entirely, and make it a contract willingly entered between two people that gives you the tax bracket. And just leave it at that.